Here we go....

So....here we go....I've never blogged before so this is all new to me.  All I know is if I write it down, maybe I will hold myself more accountable, especially if there's a chance someone else could be helped if this will even ever be read.  So here's my story:

As of 2/14/12, I turned 44 years old.  I've been Type 2 Diabetic for about 12 years.  I'm fat.  My mom was fat, her mom was fat.  I want to break the cycle, I want to live longer without complications of this ugly disease, and I want to continue to love life and not have it revolve around food.  I have taken steps along the way to help take care of myself.  I lost 60 lbs about 10 years ago...through diet and exercise, and of course....gained it back.  I started personal training about a year ago, 2-3x a week, 30 mins each session, as well as walking (2-3 miles a day).  Even on my non personal training days I do a 30 minute session on the eliptical machine (which I have at the house) and walk for 2-3 miles daily.  I have for the last 12 years done some form of regular exercise...but just in case noone has shared this with you.....

It doesn't matter how much you work out.  80% of your success has to do with the shit you put in your mouth.

So here I am....about a week into a new "trying to be good" lifestyle, spending copious amounts of time researching food, restaurants, articles, trying to educate myself as much as I can.  If you're diabetic, you know that every 3-4 months you have to go in for a blood test to test your A1C (average blood sugar over a 3 month span), followed up with a doctors appointment to get either the nod of approval, or what one of my associates calls "church eyes" (you know that judgemental look that says you know you're going to die if you don't straighten your ass out).  At my worst, about a year ago, my A1C was 11.2 (yeah I see you there with your "church eyes"...judging me).  Went off the deep end changing stuff and did 6.something the next appointment, 7 the next appointment, and 8.something my last appointment a month ago.  Sense a trend?  Going the wrong way....

A little frustrating in my mind exercising like I do...but it is what it is.  Realized that if it's not the exercise, it's the diet.  Through my research it seems that carbs aren't the only thing that affects your blood sugar.  The amount of protein and fat you injest also affects it.  Protein keeps it higher longer, and fat has an affect the next day.  So we're back to.....

It doesn't matter how much you work out.  80% of your success has to do with the shit you put in your mouth.

I'm probably going to need to repeat this a few times, if not for your benefit, for my own benefit.  I'm a little pissed my personal trainer has let me work out with him for a year without making that a bigger deal.  Not that I really wanted preached at, but he could have mentioned that instead of staying sore all the time and not seeing the results on the scale that it's not all "fat turning to muscle".  All that is really bullshit.  Although I will agree I'm stronger than I've ever been, that I feel better about myself when I exercise, and my blood pressure has improved with the amount of exercise I do.  I guess that all should make me feel better, but the fact that I weigh 220something pounds today, same as a year ago, really does piss me off.  But being pissed off is a negative emotion, and I really do believe in all the positive thinking stuff, so I'm working through it.

So, we'll probably learn some stuff together.

Here are my goals for this journey:

1.  I don't need to be skinny.  That would be awesome, but have never been in my whole life.  I did get down to a size 12 and would be happy with that again.  That would put me at about 170 lbs, a weight loss from today of 50 lbs. 

2.  When I was at that weight 10 years ago, I was medication free.  Because your body changes over time I don't know if I can be medication free at that point or whether I have to lose more, or whether I will always at this point have to be on medication.  But I guess a realistic goal is to have good control over my blood sugar levels.  We'll start with that.

3.  I want to get this down to automatic thinking (and follow through to always, or most of the time, making the better choice).  At this point, this is a LOT of work.